This newsletter had many stops and starts. Each time I sat down I felt unfocused. I had many ideas but I was unable to develop any of them. I got a little discouraged. I sat down to write every single day. I kept at it knowing something would eventually gel.
…and it did. This essay is all about how hard it can be to practice.Â
Since May, I have experienced anxiety at a much higher level than I can remember. My sleep was interrupted by racing thoughts, anxiety dreams, and nightmares.Â
After my brother died my days were filled with checking off 6 separate to-do lists, planning, organizing, anticipating, dreading, worrying, and keeping up with communication while working and grieving. Yikes! That’s a lot!Â
I organized my brother’s funeral and celebration of love & life which took place last Saturday, September 2nd. It was a healing experience to grieve and reconnect/connect with friends new and old. I am immensely grateful for all the love and support that surrounds my family and I.Â
The following day, Sunday, was a calm day but as the evening rolled around I felt a wave of exhaustion come over me. It was as though I was wearing a heavy weighted blanket and my mind just went into a fog.Â
With each passing day, the weight is gradually easing and the fog is gradually dissipating. It feels like I am in a transition. Now my sleep is more restful, and my dreams are reflections of the past with reassuring visits from dear ones who have already passed, including my father and brother.Â
Now time is unfolding more slowly as I move into reflection, gratitude and reminiscence. Sometimes I am sad and the moments of emptiness are difficult. There are also new responsibilities, such as overseeing the care of my 94 year old mother.Â
Needless to say it has been difficult for me to improvise, practice, and make music on my own. There is also so much pain in the world as many face financial difficulties, war and climate disasters. Practicing music feels like indulgence in the face of reality.Â
Singing can be especially difficult because it makes me emotional and my throat can tighten up. However, when I teach, I am noticing in my demonstrations a deeper connection to my innermost core, a place deep inside in my gut where all my feelings dwell - and sometimes the sounds that come out surprise me. It’s the result of accumulated experiences.
So why do I make music?Â
Because it soothes my soul
Because it brings people together
I am much more understanding when my students tell me they did not practice or that they find it hard to practice or engage in musical exploration and study. Let’s explore this question: why can sitting down to practice be so difficult?Â
Everything else takes precedence. Sitting alone in my studio in mindful musical practice and creation can seem self-indulgent. I am compelled to instead answer emails and messages, or take care of things that need to be done. What I have to remind myself is that practice time gives me energy which makes everything else feel so much easier.Â
It feels like too much effort. Practicing can feel like a chore if we think of it that way. Learning to be creative and curious in our musical practice opens pathways for discovery and growth. I encourage you to add improvisation to your musical practice. Â
Sometimes it’s just hard. We get discouraged or impatient working on new techniques, practicing difficult pieces or memorizing. Take it one step at a time! Slow and steady will get you there. Drop into the process with curiosity and patience.Â
Where do I begin? There is so much to do! Someone once told me that starting is 50% of the task done. Let yourself warm up into it. It may take 5, 10, 15 even 20-minutes to get going but keep at it. You will never regret time you spend in meaningful practice! One hour of daily concentrated practice yields beautiful results. Trust the process. There may be days that you have time to indulge in hours of practice, but keeping that up can be very difficult if you have other responsibilities. If you maintain a regular schedule, you will see more improvement.Â
I don’t know how to practice. I spend a lot of time helping my students develop a meaningful practice routine. We are all different and we have to find what works for us. Practicing needs to be meaningful. If you plan to perform, practicing is the only way to develop motor skills (flexibility, speed, clarity, and power), musicianship skills, interpretation, memorization, mental focus, physical and mental stamina. When we break down complex skills everything feels easier. When we slow things down, everything feels easier.Â
Why am I doing this? Playing music with others is an incredibly rewarding and nourishing experience. Being in music will always make you feel better. Like physical fitness, you will never regret going out to exercise.Â
Think of your practice as your musical self care!Â
…I feel motivated now! This was the pep-talk I needed to give myself!Â