Musical Self Care

View from the main lodge at Wildacres Retreat Center, Little Switzerland, North Carolina

As I was preparing to give a client a sound bath she asked me whether giving sound baths helped me. Without a pause, I blurted “absolutely”. A short conversation ensued about the importance of self-care. She is a nurse who founded a specialized clinic in Montreal, Méno-Joie offering services that support women throughout their menopause journey. I am a patient at her clinic, and the level of care is fantastic. 

It is very easy for many of us to put our self care at the bottom of the priority list. I am guilty of that, and I have to remind myself that self care is the fuel that gets us through that list of priorities. Yes, I feel inspired and nourished when I give soundbaths, teach and facilitate but it is not the same as the gratification I feel when I play for myself - that is when I play just because I can, because I love it, and I play without any professional goals such as a concert or lesson prep. 

I can say that playing music helps me in all aspects of my life. It has helped me psychologically, emotionally, socially and physically. 

Yes, I feel a deep sense of purpose when I am teaching, facilitating, giving a sound bath, and performing, but as a person living with several disabilities, low vision and dyspraxia, the administrative work that goes behind organizing lessons and sessions is particularly demanding. Improvising freely alone and with others is when I find my place in the sun. I feel that I can spread my wings and fly. It’s when I feel most free, expressive and alive. I’m sure that many have similar feelings when they play sports, ride a bike, or drive down an open highway in a car. 

An introverted, creative, and highly sensitive person by nature, I often find myself feeling a bit awkward at many social gatherings. Music has offered me a chance to connect with like-souls. I feel a very deep sense of connection when I am improvising with those I have played with for a long time. Free improvisation can be extremely vulnerable, and being in that state creating in real time with people you have formed friendships with, deepens the bonds in a way that is difficult for me to describe. That is likely why we travel far and wide to attend Music for People retreats several times a year. Improvising together fuels our inspiration and energy. 

Music, improvisation in particular, gives me physical energy, and it also calms me. I find I sleep better at night if I play music. I am also discovering that this kind of expressive writing does the same for me. These blogs are improvisations. Sometimes I start with a simple idea, and as I follow it, the blog emerges. I do go back and edit what I write because sometimes my thoughts flow more quickly than my fingers can type. Being creative regulates my brain. When I create, I am able to deal with the matters of everyday life with much more ease. 

In addition to the creative act, sound has a powerful impact on us. There is even a field called “acoustic ecology” that is dedicated to the study of sound and its role in the natural environment and human society. I think we underestimate the effects that our sound environment has on us. I find when I engage in soothing music making, or when I hear the sounds of nature, or when I tone with my voice, I become calmer in minutes. 

As you read this blog, I will be at a Music for People improv retreat in Little Switzerland, North Carolina this weekend. We will be steeped in music and poetry, exploring affective authenticity in music, and Japanese aesthetics to explore rhythm, silence and deep listening. I know I will return home feeling recharged. 

I noticed the effects that sound baths, and creative music making have on others, it was enlightening to talk about it with my client. I invite you to consider your sound environment, and If you play music, how does playing make you feel?

Unmasking the  Elephant 

I will be starting a new blog that will feature my reflections as an artist and teacher living with disabilities.

Last December, I wrote a blog “The Elephant in the Room” where I described my low vision. It felt good for me to finally express how I perceive and move through the world. Over the last few years, I began serving on Concordia’s university’s Accessibility Committee, and  volunteered for the “Hanilitas Foundation”. I have also been hired by companies to give talks on disability and ableism. These experiences have been very healing for me as I finally begin to accept what I have tried to hide all my life. 

I recently went for neuropsychological testing to settle my own questions about why so many seemingly simple daily tasks seem to be getting harder for me. I was diagnosed with mild to moderate ADHD / Inattentive type, and dyspraxia, also known as Developmental Coordination Disorder. In the months leading up to the testing process, I did a lot of research, and I realized that I have spent years of my life masking to fit in. There is nothing wrong with masking, but I can tell you that it has been exhausting. I am learning that there are things that I can do to make day to day life flow more easily. 

I find myself spontaneously creating poems and songs about my experiences. My goal is to share with others, who like me, might feel alone in their struggles. To be able to create, share, and hopefully laugh about it all along the way. 

I also find myself becoming more and more fascinated by sound ecology, and music’s role. I may not write as frequently as I do for my regular blog, but I felt inspired to begin my making time and space for acknowledging the elephant in the room and dropping the mask.  

Musical Self Care