As I write this blog at the desk of one of my cherished mentors, Mary Knysh, I want to share some thoughts on the unique and life changing bond that is shared between mentor and mentee, student and teacher, guide and traveler.
I invite you to reflect on the mentors who made a difference in your life. I hope one or several names come to you right away. How do you feel as you think about them?
Sometimes a single conversation with a person can spark deep contemplation and inspiration. To me it is how the long term relationship develops that is most interesting.
I will begin with my story of mentorship with Mary.
I met Mary Knysh in 2013 when I went to my first Art of Improvisation workshop with Music for People. I remember her dynamic presence, the quality of her leading, her engaging and encouraging smile, her musical ability, and what I sensed as an unshakable belief in the work she was doing. Her entire being radiated music and we were all swept into her groove. Her facilitation cues were clear and always inviting. I remember how I felt: I was relaxed, curious, inspired and present. I was swept into the music.
After all my years of teaching and performing, I found something I have always wanted but could never define: the art of facilitating music improvisation for deep personal growth. This kind of interactive performative “teaching without teaching” spoke to my heart.
What do I mean by teaching without teaching? As the student, I can describe it as learning without consciously realizing it. It is learning by doing, not thinking. It is being absolutely present and open in the learning process.
It takes an exceptional facilitator/teacher to be able to do that.
I remember speaking with Mary for the first time. She was immediately approachable and open, the same person that I saw in the middle of the music circle. I thought this person really walks the talk. She is authentic and she embodies the calling she has chosen. I knew by the end of that week that I could learn a lot from her.
Over the last 12 years, I have learned so much from Mary, and I am amazed at what I continue to learn from her. Our mentorship has developed into a deep friendship and we co-facilitate and work together as colleagues. She is my mentor, colleague, and treasured friend.
In my practice and apprenticeship in improvisation and facilitation, I have experienced some incredibly powerful moments. I continue to learn a lot about myself, both good and bad. The more I do this work, the more I understand compassion towards myself and others. Mary has always been there believing in me, encouraging me, and being honest with me. I am the facilitator and teacher I am today because of Mary. I feel a love, gratitude and respect for her that I cannot put into words.
What is mentorship?
“Mentor” is a relatively recent term that evolved in the mid 18th century via French and Latin from Greek Mentōr, the name of the adviser of the young Telemachus in Homer's Odyssey.
A mentor is more than a teacher, a mentor is a guide, counselor, and challenger. A mentor provides constant support, oversees skill development and allows one enough space for personal growth. They provide challenges and opportunities. Underlying all of this is a firm belief in the mentee.
When you find a mentor with an unshakable belief in you, you feel like you can do anything you put your mind to. Through their actions and being, the mentor teaches courage, resilience and self-acceptance.
As someone who has been teaching for over 30 years, I have come to perceive myself more as a mentor than a teacher. I enjoy the interactive co-working relationship as I share information and techniques that I gain as a life long learner.
Over the years, I have observed two stages of the mentor/mentee relationship:
admiration and imitation
mutual respect and individuation
These stages are reciprocal and evolve over the long term.
As a mentee, we begin in admiration of the mentor and we embody what they do in our own developing work. I spent a number of years facilitating as a “mini-Mary”.
Over time, I as the mentee evolves as more and more of my personal experiences emerge into my work. Instead of asking myself “what would Mary do in this situation?”, I find myself acting on my own instincts and drawing from my accumulated knowledge and experiences.
As a teacher and mentor, it is an interesting and even somewhat uncomfortable experience to observe my mentees imitating me. Now I have come to see it as a part of the process, and I find ways to encourage them to find their unique approach to every situation and creative act. I want them to trust in themselves.
I can say that mentoring is my most favorite aspect of being a teaching artist. As my mentees evolve, I evolve. As the stage of mutual respect and individuation gradually takes shape, we continue to learn and grow from each other.
Another gift that comes from being a mentor is when you meet a mentee that you have not seen in a long time and you learn about all the amazing things they are doing. I celebrate their accomplishments.
Yes, there are times when I put on my teacher hat, and I do so with the intention of providing added support if someone is confused or struggling. There are times when I have to admit that I don’t have the answer to a question. I thank the mentee for that question and request some time to ponder and/or research it. I am also very comfortable referring to someone with more experience in a particular subject for guidance. I no longer fear mentoring those who may have more musical experience or skill than me because I know I have a different perspective to offer.
Teachers are learners, learners are teachers. We guide each other.
I strive to be the mentor/teacher I always wanted. Thank you Mary for being my mentor!
