For me, fall has always been an exciting time of new beginnings. Being in academia for most of my life as a student and professor might explain it. I always look forward to meeting new students and witnessing the evolution of returning students. I also look forward to new creative projects.
This fall feels different. My one and only sibling Paul passed away on September 2nd after a courageous battle with Stage IV Sarcoma, a rare and aggressive form of cancer. Life for those of us left behind is filled with grief and paperwork. I wake up at night thinking of all that Paul went through, how I can support our mother as she deals with losing her beloved son, co-organizing a celebration of Paul’s life, all the bureaucratic red tape that comes with the end of a life, and transferring power of attorney so I can look after the practical affairs of our mom.
Life moves on, and I am grateful to have many wonderful memories, the energy and mind to deal with practical matters, and the ability to make plans for the future.
I wake up everyday with this question: What is my life asking of me today? Being there for others gives my life meaning.
As I navigate the winds of change and juggle all that I am doing, I can’t help but draw the parallel to what I have learned in music improvisation. One example is creating music to a form that dance artist Gabrielle Roth created called the 5 Rhythms. I learned about this from my mentor Mary Knysh - we also refer to it as “The Wave”.
The 5 Rhythms are: flowing, staccato, chaos, lyrical and stillness.
Flowing: There are times when the music just flows. My listening is open and I feel the ease with which I merge in harmony with other players. I feel energy and connection. It’s as though the sound is flowing through me and I am in a state of inspired awe. I give in to it and let myself be carried by the sound.
Staccato: When confronted with the unexpected, we have choices. There are times when I feel the need to establish a steady foundational groove to support an improvisation that may be shifting in an unsure direction. In creating the beat, I feel I am moving the music along while building a strong foundation to support other players. It is when I have strong expectations about how I think things should go, that my disappointment arises. So I have to remain flexible and aware in my response to other players. I cannot control the actions of others, I can only control my own response to their actions.
Chaos: Depending on our overall state, playing chaos can be an overwhelming experience or a cathartic release. In chaos, I have discovered a depth and power of expression that I may have otherwise never experienced in my music. During those times when I find myself overwhelmed in the middle of the cacophony, I remind myself that the storm will eventually pass, and I move through it. In chaos, I have learned to embrace the unknown.
Lyrical: After a heavy rainstorm, there is sometimes a rainbow. There is a feeling of being cleansed, or that I have let something go in chaos that brings me into a lighter state of being. The music that evolves as we gradually transition from chaos to lyrical is especially sweet.
Stillness: In stillness there is movement, but it is a subtle energetic pulsating energy that is full of life.
As I embrace the wave, I find it easier to move through the cyclical nature of living whether it be by the hour, the day, the week, the month or the year.
We all play music differently, we all grieve differently, we all live differently. We are the combination of our past, present and future.
Music continues to teach me so much. I am humbled by it.
…I’m Going to Carolina
I am writing this newsletter from North Carolina where I am spending this weekend at a beautiful retreat called Wildacres. At this Improvisation Harvest, I will be gathering with members of the Music for People community in sound. In the beautiful Blue Ridge mountains of North Carolina, we will create music in the moment, share poems, sing, dance, and relish the magic of silence and the majesty of nature.
In this time of change and loss, I find great comfort in being with my music family. I also find inspiration and strength when I can give myself the space to create. When I create, I am reminded of the incredible gift that we all have as humans - that we CAN create. I am reminded that I have more choices than I realize, and that it is OK to step into chaos or stillness, and all that is in between when I need to.
Wildacres 2023 (click on the arrow to see the next image)
“Music is what feelings sound like.” —Georgia Cates
I hope you can make the time to gather with people you love being with. I hope you can discover the joy of creating music in the moment with others. I hope you are empowered by your own creativity.
I leave books of poetry and inspiration around my house. I love opening a book to a random page, I always receive a message that I need. The inspiration for this newsletter came from David Whyte’s book “Consolations: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words”
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